Welcome folks to another off topic (in fact, it’s WAY off topic) post. As you can see by the title, I’m going to discuss that special Anti-Rape mechanism every woman has. Yes, I know that for years, doctors and sex-ed teachers told you about pregnancy, “No means no” and all that jazz, but I think we’re all old enough to learn the truth. ADULT LANGUAGE ALERT

The great Congressman Todd Akin (Photo above) tells us the truth:

If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.

Didn’t you KNOW that?

Let’s divide our discussion into the two main questions involved (And I apologize if I’m too wordy, or too short, whatever the case may turn out to be):

Question 1. What is an ILlegitimate rape?

Possible answer #1: Simply put – the bitch had it coming! Seriously people, what if that slut wore real sexy cloths? What if the rapist had a rough day at work and his wife (that other bitch) had him sleep on the couch only because he went out drinking with a couple of chicks instead of taking his stupid daughter to ballet class? You tell me! Did she have it coming or not? I thought so…

Possible answer #2: The woman had been flirting with the guy and then when he tries to pull her cloths off, the cock teaser says “no”. The cheek on that broad! WTF?

Possible answer #3 The guy had too many drinks and mistook the stranger for his wife. After all, it’s not like he saw his wife recently.

Possible answer #4 The guy hasn’t had sex in a while, I mean give the man a break…

Possible answer #5 I’m out people…

Do you know what a legitimate rape is? It’s when your daughter is raped. Then, all of the above doesn’t fucking count, right?

Now on to question 2. What is that Anti-Rape Mechanism that the wise congressman refers to?

Let’s use a famous illustration (Hide the kids folks, it’s a drawing of a vagina):

You know...

If you look carefully at the illustration, you will see something called “Fallopian tube“. Now, I want you all to forget all that B.S. they told you at school and listen carefully.

When a woman being ILlegitimately raped the role of these tube is to nourish and carry the fertilized egg to the uterus. So far are you with me? Good.

Now, what happens when a woman is legitimately raped? You know, when someone’s daughter is being raped and not some stranger you don’t give a fuck about? Listen carefully –

When a woman is legitimately being raped, these “Fallopian tubes” act as the Anti-Rape Mechanism. They squeeze that middle thingy up there and they cause the vagina to spit out all that messy thing that the legitimate rapist so rudely inserted in the hopes of fathering a son.

Here ends lesson #1. I hope that now all of you people understand how it works.

Disclaimer: If you did not understand the sarcasm (which I hope was more than blatant), it’s your legitimate fault.
Disclaimer 2: Congressmen Todd Akin is in fact NOT a great congressman at all. In fact, I think he should be ashamed of himself and resign as soon as possible.
Disclaimer 3: “No” means “No” ASS HOLE!
Disclaimer 4: There are no such things as a legitimate or illegitimate rape
Disclaimer 5: To learn about how the female body REALLY works, go to this link or just use google…

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